Derailed by Bitterness: Lessons from the Life of Absalom (2 Samuel 13-15)

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Interacting with the Sermon

Synopsis of the Sermon

Rich began with a story of a Ugandan man who had everything taken away from him by the government. When a missionary came to him to tell him the God loved him and sent his son Jesus to die for him, the man became so angry and threw him out because he had experienced so much pain in his life.  This man had good reason to be bitter! But what happens to us when we harbor bitterness? Hebrews 12:15 says, “See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.” The Greet root for “bitterness: is “pikria” which means to cut or sharp. The writer is saying here that when bitterness is allowed to grow in us, it will cut away at us.

In the story of Absalom, Rich gives us a portrait of a bitter soul. Absalom had a few sources of bitterness – his own father’s moral failure and the disillusionment that came with seeing his father as a hypocrite and his sister’s rape. Rich takes some time to tease out the broken way that Tamar’s rape was dealt with by her father and addresses the topic of sexual abuse in our culture today.

Absalom displays this bitterness first in seeking revenge. His anger turns violent as he plots to have his half-brother who raped his sister murdered. Rich talks about good and bad anger and how unchecked sinful anger can destroy us. Next we see Absalom’s bitterness displayed in rage by setting the field on fire when his father leaves him in limbo. God does not leave us in limbo though; he finds a way to reconcile us to himself. In 2 Samuel 14:14 it I says, “Like water spilled on the ground, which cannot be recovered, so we must die. But that is not what God desires; rather, he devises ways to that a banished person does not remain banished from him.”

To heal from bitterness, we need to receive the grace of Jesus Christ.  Matthew 6:14-15 says that if we forgive others when they sin against us, God will forgive us and if we do not forgive others, God will not forgive us.  Giving up our hold on the sins done against us will bring us freedom to receive the forgiveness for our own sins against our Father in heaven.

In 5 minutes or less, briefly give a synopsis of this week’s sermon.  What insight, principle, or observation from this weekend’s message did you find to be most helpful, eye-opening, or troubling?  Explain.

Getting the Conversation Started

These questions can be used as ice-breakers in the beginning OR interwoven between the questions below to draw the group into the discussion.

·      What are one or two things from this weekend’s sermon that really stood out to you?

·      What are some famous stories of revenge in literature, history or film? Did these characters or historical people have bitterness at the root of their desire for revenge? 

·      Do you think a Christian is ever justified in feeling bitterness or seeking revenge?

Scripture Study

Study Goal: This passage declares that we must find different ways to deal with people who hurt us. Revenge is out of the question. It does not mean that evil is not real or that feeling hurt isn’t appropriate. But what matters is what we do with evil and hurt in our lives. This study aims to help your group think through this process and allow the Holy Spirit to move in us to make us able to release any bitterness that may have taken root in us.

Context: This letter of Paul’s was addressed to the church in Rome. It was made up of Jewish Christians and Gentile Christians.  The two groups often argued over theology with the Jewish Christians proud of their heritage and the Gentile Christians proud of their freedom from the law. Paul’s letter focuses on God’s justification of sinners by grace alone and the inheritance that is through Christ.

Read Romans 12:17-21

¹⁷ Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. ¹⁸ If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. ¹⁹ Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. ²⁰ On the contrary:

“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
      if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”

²¹ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

·      Observation: Several times in the passage, Paul uses the words, “Do not…” What does he say not to do? What general themes do you see in what we are not to do? (a. repay evil, take revenge, be overcome by evil)

·      Observation: Paul follows each of these phrases of “do not” with what we are to do instead. What are his instructions? (a. do what is right in the eyes of everyone, live at peace as far as it depends on you, leave room for God’s wrath, overcome evil by doing good).

·      Interpretation: What do you think it means to do “right in the eyes of everyone” and “live at peace with everyone”?

·      Application: How can we strive to do right in the eyes of everyone without crossing over into a “failure of nerve” like Rich addressed in his sermon on Aaron a few weeks ago?

·      Application: How might the note of realism expressed in verse 18 encourage you about difficult relationships in your life?

·      Observation: In lieu of taking revenge, what should be done? Why? (a. leave room for God’s wrath, because it is God’s place to bring about justice

·      Interpretation: Why do you think Paul uses this Proverb when instructing people not to take revenge? (Paul references Prov 25:21-22) (a. Rather then having the purpose of increasing their punishment, Paul uses this as a picture of the remorse felt when an enemy experiences true kindness.)

·      Interpretation: How do we deal with legitimate injustices in the world? Does the passage suggest a detachment from pain and hurts done to us or others? 

·      Application: How can we do with feelings of anger, unforgiveness and hurt? (a. think about what God has done for us. See Romans 5:6-11)

·      Observation: What is the final word on how we should approach evil? (V. 21)

·      Interpretation: What do you think it looks like to become overcome by evil? What does it look like to overcome evil with good?

·      Application: How might following the principles in this passage lead us to overcome evil in our own lives?

2 Timothy 3:17 Or that you, a man of God,

Cross references:

1. 2 Timothy 3:1 : 1Ti 4:1; 2Pe 3:3
2. 2 Timothy 3:2 : S 1Ti 3:3
3. 2 Timothy 3:2 : Ro 1:30
4. 2 Timothy 3:2 : 2Pe 2:10-12
5. 2 Timothy 3:2 : Ro 1:30
6. 2 Timothy 3:4 : Ps 25:3
7. 2 Timothy 3:4 : 1Ti 3:6; 6:4
8. 2 Timothy 3:5 : S 1Ti 2:2
9. 2 Timothy 3:5 : S Ro 16:17
10. 2 Timothy 3:6 : Jude 4
11. 2 Timothy 3:7 : S 1Ti 2:4
12. 2 Timothy 3:8 : Ex 7:11
13. 2 Timothy 3:8 : Ac 13:8
14. 2 Timothy 3:8 : 1Ti 6:5
15. 2 Timothy 3:9 : Ex 7:12; 8:18; 9:11
16. 2 Timothy 3:10 : 1Ti 4:6
17. 2 Timothy 3:11 : Ac 13:14, 50
18. 2 Timothy 3:11 : S Ac 13:51
19. 2 Timothy 3:11 : Ac 14:6
20. 2 Timothy 3:11 : 2Co 11:23-27
21. 2 Timothy 3:11 : S Ro 15:31
22. 2 Timothy 3:11 : Ps 34:19
23. 2 Timothy 3:12 : Jn 15:20; S Ac 14:22
24. 2 Timothy 3:13 : 2Ti 2:16
25. 2 Timothy 3:13 : S Mk 13:5
26. 2 Timothy 3:14 : 2Ti 1:13
27. 2 Timothy 3:15 : 2Ti 1:5
28. 2 Timothy 3:15 : Jn 5:39
29. 2 Timothy 3:15 : Dt 4:6; Ps 119:98, 99
30. 2 Timothy 3:16 : 2Pe 1:20, 21
31. 2 Timothy 3:16 : S Ro 4:23, 24
32. 2 Timothy 3:16 : Dt 29:29
33. 2 Timothy 3:17 : 1Ti 6:11
34. 2 Timothy 3:17 : 2Ti 2:21

Ministry Application

Below you’ll see some options for ministry time with your group. We always encourage you to reserve time in your group to pray for one another and wait on the Holy Spirit.

·      Take time to wait on the Holy Spirit and ask Him to show you if there is any bitter root in your own heart.  Be quiet and let your heart settle for a few minutes. Is there anyone you are feeling a desire to get revenge on? Is there a conversation or comment that you just cannot shake from your thoughts? Is there someone that you feel undeserving of your forgiveness? Break down into smaller groups (for Coed groups, this might be a good time to break into single gender groups) and share what the Lord is bringing up to you. Pray for God to give you the grace you need to forgive another person or release your feelings of bitterness.

·      Be aware that this sermon and study may bring up painful memories in victims of sexual abuse. Make sure to take time to pray and ask the Holy Spirit to go before you and if someone does want to talk about their abuse, make sure it is a safe environment (i.e. same-sex, preferably with a leader or only a few trusted group members). Don’t be afraid to stop and pray for someone who seems wounded in this way. The book Rich suggested by Nicole Bromley called Hush is available in our bookstore and is a great place to start for victims of sexual abuse. As always, let us know if we can help you provide further pastoral counseling or resources for someone in crisis by emailing one of the Small Group Pastoral Team.

·      Take some time to pray for the injustices in the world today. Sign up to get the IJM prayer updates at http://www.ijm.org/get-involved/prayer-partner and take time to pray through them with your group. IJM also has a prayer guide online you can get by searching for “IJM prayer” Or take time to pray for the victims of sexual abuse in the catholic church—especially those involved in the recent court decision. Pray that bitterness wouldn’t take root and that they could experience real freedom.

Derailed in Old Age: Lessons from the Life of King Solomon (1 Kings 11)

Click here to download the Study Guide in PDF
Click here to download the Study Guide in WORD

Interacting with the Sermon

Synopsis of the Sermon

There are many examples of individuals who discovered success later in life - or made their greatest contribution as an older adult. Some were motivated because of their faith. Well-known examples shared in the sermon include Corrie ten Boom and Sal Dimiceli, Ronald Reagan, Laura Engels Wilder, and Colonel Sanders. Another further example shared concerned the Lusitania, which sunk in 1915 just 8 miles from its destination port.  It was used as a metaphor for people whose lives get “torpedoed” towards the end of their journey.

            Pastor Rich Nathan is in the middle of a series called Derailed – What Causes People to Fail. Under King Solomon, Israel entered its Golden Age of Prosperity and Peace.  But Solomon’s life stands as a warning to us that even in old age a fall away from God and away from God’s people is still possible. In 1 Kings 3 – we see he struggled early in his life (both poor marriage decisions and making sacrifices to other gods). These decisions led to consequences early in life. The Apostle Paul gives us the absolute rule of both the physical and moral universe in Galatians 6.7-8.  The choices that we make in our teens, our 20’s, 30’s and 40’s will reap in our 50’s, 60’s, 70’s and 80’s.

            In 1 Kings 9, we see the consequences of neglecting the warning sings. God does warn us directly by his Spirit; and, God does warn us through his written Word.  But one of the chief means that God uses to tell us we are getting off track is that he speaks to us through other people. The question was asked, “Are [we] correctable people?”

            There is a word that appears over 100 times in the book of Proverbs.  It is the word “fool.”  In fact, the concept of being a fool is so significant to the authors of the book of Proverbs that they use a number of different Hebrew words to deal with the issue of being a fool.  The writer of Proverbs says there is a kind of fool that you can describe as “thick-headed” - someone you can’t get through to.  What are you like?

            Solomon fell in old age as a consequence of neglecting warnings from God. His grip was slackening on the Lord.   Solomon fell on the consequence of “mis-wantings” (Ecc 2:10-11). “The bottom line is people aren’t unhappy because we don’t get what we want.  We are unhappy because we want the wrong things. Because we mis-want, because we are terrible at predicting what will ultimately make us happy in life.”  Solomon got all that he wanted, but he didn’t want the right things.  And in the end, he ended up with wind.

            Fortunately, we’re not just left with negative examples in the Bible of people who ended life poorly.  There are many, many folks in scripture who ended well.  We read about Enoch in Genesis 5, who walked with God his whole life.  We read about Abraham, who died in a good old age, full of years, still in love with God. We read about Joshua (Jos 24:31), Simeon (Lk 2:29-32), and Anna (Luke 2:36-38) - what kind of older adult do we want to be?  Where do we want to end up in old age?

     

In 5 minutes or less, briefly give a synopsis of this week’s sermon.  What insight, principle, or observation from this weekend’s message did you find to be most helpful, eye-opening, or troubling?  Explain.

Getting the Conversation Started

These questions can be used as ice-breakers in the beginning OR interwoven between the questions below to draw the group into the discussion.

·      What are one or two things from this weekend’s sermon that really stood out to you?

·      Share an example of someone you know who kept growing and changing, even into old age. What was it about their life that allowed them to be better as they aged? 

·      Can you share any funny stories from when you were a teenager, where you didn’t follow someone’s instructions or warnings? How did it turn out for you?

Scripture Study

Study Goal: If we’re going to succeed in old age, today let’s ask ourselves some hard hard questions – where do our treasures lie? Are we building for eternity or just this life? Upon what foundation is our life? Where will our present course lead? Are there place we’re just hearing, but failing also to do? How do we avoid the consequences from our youth, or from neglecting warning signs, or from being the Proverbs’ “fool”, or from giving in to our “mis-wantings”? Let’s examine our hearts and lives – and lean into God who will make our paths straight!

Context: These two sections of text are taken from part of Matthew’s gospel known as the Sermon on the Mount (Matt 5-7). Most likely this collection of teachings on discipleship was based on a sermon outline known to Matthew, as well as Luke (Luke 6:20-49). The collection of Jesus’ teachings deals with the character, duties, attitudes and dangers of, and for, Christian disciples. In preparation for this particular text, read through Luke 6:1-18 which will provide insight on the contrast between earthly and heavenly treasures. Both Matthew and Luke end with the parable of house builders.

Read Matthew 6:19-21

¹⁹ “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. ²⁰ But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. ²¹ For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

·      Why is it unwise to store up earthly treasures (19)? (a. earthly treasures give no security or lasting satisfaction). What are our culture’s modern day “earthly treasures”?

·      Is Jesus referring to a specific “treasure”, or do you think he’s applying the term more broadly? What area(s) of life could be included? Do you feel any conviction when you reflect on the meaning of this text for you? If so, please share – if not, why not?

·      Why are treasures in heaven better (20)? Overall, how do you think Jesus’ audience reacted to this message (7:28-29)? What do you think they considered treasures in heaven to be? How does one store up treasures in heaven? (a. humble obedience to God)

·      Where does one’s heart dwell (21)? Why? If need be, how can we change our hearts (Matt 7:7-11, Gal 5)?

            Read Matthew 7:24-29:

²⁴ “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. ²⁵ The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. ²⁶ But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. ²⁷ The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”

²⁸ When Jesus had finished saying these things, the crowds were amazed at his teaching, ²⁹ because he taught as one who had authority, and not as their teachers of the law.

·      Who are the builders? Compare the two houses we could choose to build. Is there a third option? What is Jesus saying at the end of chapter 7?

·      (24 & 26) What’s the difference between hearing and doing? What effect does it have in our lives?

·      How will we succeed in old age? What sorts of practices do you feel are lacking in your life right now?

Proverbs 3:5-8: (TNIV) Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways submit him and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes, fear the Lord and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones. Honor the Lord with your wealth, with the first fruits of all your crops; then your barns will be filled to overflowing and your vats will brim over with new wine.

Proverbs 3:5-8: (Message) Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure everything on your own. Listen for god’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he’s the one who will keep you on track. Don’t assume that you know it all. Run to God! Run from Evil! Your body will glow with health, you very bones will vibrate with life! Honor God with everything you own; give him your best. You barns will burst, your wine vats will brim over.

^·                Footnotes:

1. 2 Timothy 3:17 Or that you, a man of God,

Cross references:

1. 2 Timothy 3:1 : 1Ti 4:1; 2Pe 3:3
2. 2 Timothy 3:2 : S 1Ti 3:3
3. 2 Timothy 3:2 : Ro 1:30
4. 2 Timothy 3:2 : 2Pe 2:10-12
5. 2 Timothy 3:2 : Ro 1:30
6. 2 Timothy 3:4 : Ps 25:3
7. 2 Timothy 3:4 : 1Ti 3:6; 6:4
8. 2 Timothy 3:5 : S 1Ti 2:2
9. 2 Timothy 3:5 : S Ro 16:17
10. 2 Timothy 3:6 : Jude 4
11. 2 Timothy 3:7 : S 1Ti 2:4
12. 2 Timothy 3:8 : Ex 7:11
13. 2 Timothy 3:8 : Ac 13:8
14. 2 Timothy 3:8 : 1Ti 6:5
15. 2 Timothy 3:9 : Ex 7:12; 8:18; 9:11
16. 2 Timothy 3:10 : 1Ti 4:6
17. 2 Timothy 3:11 : Ac 13:14, 50
18. 2 Timothy 3:11 : S Ac 13:51
19. 2 Timothy 3:11 : Ac 14:6
20. 2 Timothy 3:11 : 2Co 11:23-27
21. 2 Timothy 3:11 : S Ro 15:31
22. 2 Timothy 3:11 : Ps 34:19
23. 2 Timothy 3:12 : Jn 15:20; S Ac 14:22
24. 2 Timothy 3:13 : 2Ti 2:16
25. 2 Timothy 3:13 : S Mk 13:5
26. 2 Timothy 3:14 : 2Ti 1:13
27. 2 Timothy 3:15 : 2Ti 1:5
28. 2 Timothy 3:15 : Jn 5:39
29. 2 Timothy 3:15 : Dt 4:6; Ps 119:98, 99
30. 2 Timothy 3:16 : 2Pe 1:20, 21
31. 2 Timothy 3:16 : S Ro 4:23, 24
32. 2 Timothy 3:16 : Dt 29:29
33. 2 Timothy 3:17 : 1Ti 6:11
34. 2 Timothy 3:17 : 2Ti 2:21

Ministry Application

Below you’ll see some options for ministry time with your group. We always encourage you to reserve time in your group to pray for one another and wait on the Holy Spirit.

·      Spend several minutes reflecting on where your heart truly resides. Where in your life are you guilty of “mis-wanting”? Repent and ask the Holy Spirit to flood you with deep desire for that which has everlasting value and brings genuine contentment. What would pursuit of these desires look like in your life? What habits need modified or put to death in order for the pursuit to be fruitful?

·      Where are you just hearing and not doing? Where might you be building and investing in earthly treasures built on “sand”, and not investing in heaven or building on “rock”.  Share with another group member and ask God to help change your heart and “build” well.

·      When you look at your future, perhaps your filled with doubt or misgivings – receive prayer for worry and doubt. Be encouraged that the Lord of the Universe, of your Past and your Future – is sovereign. As we lean into him, he’ll make our paths straight (Prov 3:5-6).